Rating: PG
Pairing: Shalimar/Emma
Series: Two Hearts
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters; all rights go to those who do. I am just using them.
~*~*~*~
I was left there, just lying on the floor with my jaw hanging open. Was I hallucinating, or did Emma just make a move on me. Why would she do that? She knows I am crazy about Brennan; hell, even Brennan knows it! It's not like it isn't public knowledge. We flirt with each other, he reads me poetry from his private collection, we sometimes hold hands when we walk together, and we have this look that seems to only be reserved for each other. Call me predictable if you want, but I rather like it that way. I mean, I'm sorry if I gave Emma the wrong impression, but I just don't share the same feelings.
"I'd better go talk to her."
I say to myself, with a less then enthusiastic tone. I have never had to be the one to break the heart before. What do you say in situations like this? Ah say Emma, you're really great and everything, but I only fuck men. Okay Shal that may not be the best approach. After all, this is Emma we are talking about. She does tend to be a little oversensitive when it comes to certain issues. Although I don't know why, we have been friends long enough now that she shouldn't mind hearing the truth, whether it hurts or not.
Well, here we are. Suddenly, I am not feeling so hot. Like I said before, I am not very good at this. You can do this Shal, just raise your hand and knock on the door.
KNOCK, KNOCK!
"Emma, its Shal, we need to talk!"
Without even the slightest peep, I hear the door squeak open only to reveal an incredibly depressed Emma on the other side. Incase you haven't guessed, that doesn't make this any easier.
"Look Shal, we don't have to do this. I just misread the signs; it's not a big deal. No harm, no fowl. Can we still be friends?"
Without even hesitating, I through my hands up, letting her know I need her to stop and give me a minute to process what she just said.
"Em, wait a damn minute! Can you just slow it down and let me get a word in? You're not the only one who is confused here. Why did you...kiss me?"
She takes a step back from the door, letting me know she would appreciate it if I stepped inside. After all, this isn't really your typical conversation that you hear everyday. Not like we need everyone in the Sanctuary to know about it.
I am relieved when she finally lets me in, and as I brush past her, the of feeling butterflies fluttering inside of my stomach take over. I can't believe it, I am nervous. I have never felt like this around Emma before, she and I have always been so comfortable; and now, I don't even want to be in this confined of a space with her.
She can clearly sense the tension I am experiencing, because instead of sitting on the edge of the bed like she normally does, she has chosen to lean against her desk. I am confused as to who is supposed to start this little session. So I decide that I had better go first.
"Emma look...you know I adore you, right?"
She can't seem to find the right words to answer my question, so it looks like I will have to settle for a simple nod yes.
"Good, than maybe this next part won't be so hard."
Before I can even get another word out, she is on her feet and ready for battle; her position, defense. I can tell she isn't going to make this easy for me. That's Emma for you, even though she looks sweet and innocent on the outside; she is one tuff cookie on the inside. She has never let me get away with any bullshit the whole time we've know one another. I like that about her! But at the same time that is also her worst quality; especially, when it comes to making her see your point of view. She just doesn't know when to quit.
"Look Shal, don't treat me like I am child with a school girl crush. I know the routine; I've heard it all before. You're so sorry because you didn't mean to give me the wrong impression, and you hope that we can still be friends, and that this won't affect us one bit. Like I said before, that's what I want, for us to be normal again. Just forget about what I did. It was wrong. I know you love Brennan and I'm really happy for you. So with that I will let you get to bed and we can put this little incident behind us!"
Wow, she really seems to have this chapter down flat. I would have never guessed Emma to be so bitter about love. I can't help but feel even guiltier then before. She seems so empty and lost right now. I am supposed to be her best friend and what good am I doing her?
As she gets up and opens her door to let me out, I just sit there. I am not budging until she agrees to hold a real conversation with me. It's not about reassurance that she wont do it again, it's that I don't want her to alienate herself from me all because she feels she can't talk to me any more.
She grows more impatient with me, and finally after standing by the door just waiting for me to exit; she realizes that I'm not going anywhere and slams it back shut. She is obviously irritated by my persistence, but does nothing to fight back. She knows she wouldn't win anyway.
"Okay Shal, you win. Say what ever it is that you want to say."
Now, I'm the one getting pissed off. She knows very well, that I don't appreciate the sarcastic tone when I am just trying to understand and possibly help her out. So I decide that maybe letting her sleep on it is the best idea.
I get up rapidly without saying even one word and head for the door. Suddenly, I am stopped by the tall, slender figure of a woman who is not going to let me walk out of this one so easily. She blocks my escape route with a forceful lean and a not so friendly look. This is her way of letting me know that I was the one who got me into this mess, and I was the one who was going to have to get myself out of it.
"Emma, I don't want to fight with you. I think maybe we should just talk about this in the morning. Please let me pass. I don't want to have to get nasty."
She is really pissed now, and pushes me back hard enough to trip and send me slamming to the floor. I regain my balance almost instantly; one of the perks of being a feral, quick reaction time; and proceed to try and get by her once more. I have already decided that I am not going to let her win this battle. I refuse to let her take her anger out on me, and I am certainly not going to take mine out on her. I say excuse me one more time, and the second time I try to get by, she grabs me and pulls me into a kiss.
It is something that I don't want or expect; and almost instantly I feel the anger boiling to the surface. I claw at her arm, hard enough to make her break her hold on me; and immediately, I feel my eyes begin to light up yellow. I don't think she expected me to react to her like that, but I did; and now I seem to have her attention. She is scared shitless and I am ready to fight back; so without even think about what I am doing, I stare her down and back her into a wall with a more then harsh warning.
"If you ever do that to me again, I won't be responsible for what I do to you, you hear me? Never and I mean never, try to kiss me again as long as you live. I am sick of trying to be nice, I don't want you and I never will. I tried to make it easy on you but you just had to be a little bitch. You had better hope I cool down in the morning..."
And before I am able to get any more out, she begins to cry. I then realize that I have a hold of both of her arms and am squeezing them tightly. She isn't crying at what I am saying, she is crying because I am hurting her. When I snap out of my anger and return to normal, I try to apologize but am too late. The minute I let go, she pushes me away from her and runs out of her room in tears.
The realization finally sets in my brain that I could have really hurt her. I have never wanted to hurt Emma the entire time we have known each other. The feelings of guilt and frustration are too much for me to deal with. I hit the floor on my knees and begin to sob.
Created on ... May 05, 2003