Rating: PG
Pairing: Shalimar/Emma
Series: Two Hearts
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters; all rights go to those who do. I am just using them.
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Where am I? The last thing I remember, is going to the club, dancing, and then… where's Emma? God it's really hot in here, I think I had better go take a cold shower. Wait a minute, whose arm is this? Who put me in my pajamas? And why the hell am I so weak? I haven't felt this drained since the green light thi…oh! Something tells me that I am not going to have a pleasant morning. I guess I had better wake up who ever is sleeping next to me. Here it goes.
Wait am minute, I know that head of hair. It's red, just like Emma's. Oh please don't tell me she is in my bed. I should have never gone out with them last night. I was not supposed to have sex with anyone. Why did I act so strange last night? Better question is, why am staring at Emma sleeping?
She looks so peaceful when she sleeps, just like a child. She is really beautiful. Oh no, wait just a God damn minute..., did I just say beautiful? Oh God, why do I suddenly feel the urge to have sex with her again; that has never happened before? Ferals are only suppose to have sex with someone once; and then the feeling is suppose to disappear, and we are suppose to be able to move on to the next person. Why am I so happy to see her lying next to me? And why is supposed to becoming a common thing with me?
She is rolling over, she is just so cute. She is trying to pull me closer to her. I think I will help her out. NO, NO, NO you big dummy, you can't do this, she is your friend. Just a friend! Just because you two went at it like jack rabbits last night, doesn't give you the right to lust after her.
But this isn't lust that I am feeling; lust doesn't make you want to cuddle up close to someone and purr in their ear. Which by the way, I am doing! I can't help it; she has snuggled up under my chin, and I simply love the feel of her skin on mine. Lust is defiantly not the word I am looking for.
And it doesn't feel like just sex. Just sex, is nothing more then two bodies looking for a quick and easy fix. Last night we weren't that careless. We moved as one; and I know that I have never felt so happy to be with someone like this. When I came last night, all I wanted was to feel her next to me. It felt so right to be in her arms; and I had only wished I could have frozen that moment in time. I think last night might not have been only about the need to be set free; I think that last night I may have gone and mated with Emma. SHIT!
Fearls are only supposed to mate when they are completely, 100% positive sure that they have found their life mate. And only then, should you share that part of yourself with someone. I mean, once you give yourself to someone, you aren't able to function sexually with anyone else. It's kind of one of those permanent situations. But trust me; we aren't the only ones who are affected. Fearls pass on a scent to their mates; and the minute it mixes with the scent from their partner, it produces a chemical reaction in both of their brains. So not only can the feral not perform sexually with another person, but neither can their mate. And unfortunately, the ways to reverse it are limited. There are only two ways that I know of to reverse the affects of mating. The most common way is of course, death; and the second way, is a scientific method that was created to block the scent's signal from being processed by the brain. This is something we actually can do ourselves; that is, unless we really care for someone. Then our bodies tend to develop a mind of their own.
Okay, lets back the truck up again, that means if my body didn't block the signal; then that must mean that I am IN LOVE WITH EMMA?!
I think I'm going to faint. This can't be happening. I have never wanted another woman in my entire life. I mean, I was always sure that Brennan and I would someday wake up and decide that we were right for each other. It has always been that way; and now, I can't imagine life with anyone other than Emma.
She is so beautiful with those brown eyes and that smile. I love when she laughs at my jokes, even if they aren't really that funny; and the way she makes her self available when I need someone to talk to. She has never put anything before me and I have put everything else before her.
I don't know if I can do this. I want to, but these are feelings that I am not sure that I want to feel for her. She is my friend, my best friend, and I don't think I want that to change. I guess it would be easier to just dismiss her, if we hadn't done what we did last night. Why does this have to be such a tough decision?
Created on ... May 05, 2003