Episode Related: The Breed
Archive: WWomb, Terri's site
Series/Sequel: if you want any
Disclaimers: They aren't mine. Marvel Studios and the people associated
Summary: Jesse's thoughts about Brennan as he is infected and cured.
Notes: This is Jesse looking from the outside in. It's his thoughts on how
it is to be the one sitting there wondering what was happening to Brennan.
Brennan became infected. I could've snapped and gone to him but I knew that Shalimar was with him and would make sure he was safe without getting herself killed. I worried. I wanted to be out there to get Brennan. But in some ways I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to see what had happened to him. All I knew was that I loved him and that I had to hold back and work on a cure. Not just for Brennan but for everyone else.
My mind would always go back to Brennan. I wanted to comm Shalimar and see how he was. I wanted to scream and fight. I wanted to drop right there and shout "No, Not my Brennan." Not my caring, loving, gentle Brennan. Not the man who the night before had shown me such love and adoration. I try not to let my emotions get to me. As he is losing control I am losing control but I can't let my emotions get the better of me. I have to save Brennan. I have to help those other people. Brennan would want me to. I go on with my research.
I have found a cure. I hope this helps. I comm Shalimar about getting Brennan to throw a tesla coil and to push him into the electrical fence. Shalimar lets me know that it has worked. I guess Lexa was told too. All I am concerned about is Brennan and how he is doing. Not that I am not concerned about Shalimar and the other people on the base but my concern is with Brennan. He is my strength, my joy, my happiness and my love. I wanted to be in Shalimar's place so bad. I could almost imagine Brennan in her arms and I almost saw green but then I realized she knew that Brennan was mine. Lexa is getting my attention. She wants me to stall the general some more so that Brennan and Shalimar can help everyone else.
I leave the Double Helix to ready the transformer so that Brennan can use his powers to cure the infected people on the base. He and Shalimar have lead all the people towards an area big enough to contain them all so that Brennan can power up with help to cure everyone else. I sigh. This could be
a risk to Brennan but it is a risk that my beautiful one will take. He would take it every time without thought and so would I if I was in his position. As soon as Brennan had cured everyone and was walking out with Lexa and Shalimar I rushed to the general to have him call off his bombers.
I couldn't look at Brennan just yet. I didn't want to loose it. I wanted to be the strong one this time instead of him. I wanted him to know I was there but not just yet I wanted to make sure the general called off the bombers.
After making sure the bombers had been called off, I walked up to Brennan and asked if he was all right. He answered in the affirmative. At that time all I wanted to do was wrap myself around him and never let go. I wanted to crawl into his skin. I wanted him to feel me. I wanted him to know that I loved him more that life itself. I suppose he already knows that but in situations like this you need to tell your loved one.
When we got back to the Double Helix, I did wrap myself around Brennan much to Lexa's astonishment. I guess we forgot to tell her about me and Brennan. I look back at Shalimar and smile. I haven't let go of Brennan and I know he is looking down at me with those chocolaty brown eyes that I could lose
myself in. I shuddered and try to get even closer to Brennan. Much to my dismay Brennan gently pries me loose so that he can go to the Helix's control. I sit next to him but I scoot as close as I can get so that I know that he is close. He turns and smiles at me. I smile back. I keep looking at him thinking that he will disappear. What can I say when someone you love could possibly die from a parasite that shouldn't even have been around.
We landed back at Sanctuary. We all breathed a sigh of relief. We were glad to be back with our lives. We could have all lost them. I look once more at Brennan. I reach out tentatively for his hand which he moves so that I can take it. I hold one not wanting to let go. I hear Shalimar shoo Lexa out of the Double Helix. I'll have to thank her later for our privacy. I want to say something but don't know what. Brennan bets me to the punch anyway.
"I'm ok, Jess, I am here. I am not going to leave you." He reassures.
I look at him and feel a little reassured but I still want to cling. I think Brennan knows that because he doesn't move to stop me when I wrap myself around him when we leave the Helix. He just wraps his arms around me and continues into the main part of our home. He leads us to our shared bedroom where I am sure that I will be reassured even more that Brennan is alive and won't leave. I feel Brennan pulls onto the bed where he snuggles me close and drifts off to sleep.
I can't go to sleep just yet. I have to keep watch over him for just a moment longer. I see the tired lines around his eyes and mouth. I see the stress easing from his face as he goes more deeply into sleep. I reach out and stroke my hand across his face just to be sure that he is here and alive. I want to make sure that he is no longer that monster that Shalimar had to deal with at the base. I am glad I didn't have to deal with that. I don't know what I would have done. I know one thing though I probably would have done what Shalimar had chosen to do: stay with someone she cared for and called family.
I hear footsteps at the door and see Shalimar there. She smiles at me and watches Brennan sleep for a moment. She comes into the room and reaches out to touch Brennan. She is making sure he is there like I did a few minutes ago.
"He loves you. I doubt he would have wanted you to see him like he was, Jesse. It was bad for a moment. I am glad we found a cure. I don't know if I could have taken much more. I do know I couldn't have told you about him without crying." She says.
I nod my agreement and look at her with tears in my eyes. She brushes them away and then turns towards the door. With a whispered good night she leaves me to take care of Brennan. She is right. Brennan does love me and wouldn't have wanted me to see him as the monster that he had become after he was infected.
I look my fill of Brennan and then drift off to sleep myself. I can't help but wonder if the circumstances hadn't turned out the way they did if I wouldn't be laying in Brennan's arms now. I wonder if Shalimar and I would have to let another friend and family member go.
"I love you, Brennan. Please don't leave yet." I whisper as I drift into sleep.
Brennan smiles in his sleep and snuggles his young lover close. He'll never leave Jesse. He was glad that the cure helped and that Jesse didn't have to see the monster that he had become. He knew how much Jesse loved and needed him. He placed a kiss on top of the blonde head and then slipped into a peaceful sleep with his one true love in his arms.