*******
I scream the body
~~~
Silence.
Jesse stares wildly at them, then at nothing at all. Their words reverberate in the Helix. Useless words because Jesse is the one that has to phase and she sees the instant he focuses, sees the moment he...
Breathes...
She thinks Jesse is screaming, then she thinks she might be too.
One breath...
...and every cell in her body... burns... spaces in between her, filled with...
...become the bite of the air at this altitude, she's the one that's streaking through the air...and Shalimar feels it. Against her sides, the pressure as she, the Helix, she tries so much to go faster, pressure bearing down on her, fighter jets behind her, missiles locked on her.
Faster, she's going to split apart because it's not going to be enough until she realizes... the missile...
...Her body burns, flames lick against her skin, she wants to move away, can't, but then she does, in on herself but it's too late. Fire everywhere; fire in her and she screams.
The missile passes through her, even as she sees Emma through it, Morrison and the Helix to the sky beyond, the air against her skin...
Shalimar jerks upright, breathes like she's freefalling through the air, but ...her bed.
Sheets tangled between her legs.
She aches.
~~~
Terror.
Black, thick it pours through her, she wields with an ease that scares her, that scares him. Jesse.
Looks at him now, his eyes wild, like he was after she broadcast her....now though terror not of her making, his. And then something else. He uses it. Breathes in, she sees his chest move, hears him scream and then feels...everything.
Cold that pours into her, wind that tears through her hair, whips it around except it shouldn't. It curls around her, in her...
Takes her away, out of herself, she's not Emma DeLauro, not the vague shape she sees, but at the same time she's that person too. Molecules adrift in the Helix she sees Shal and Brennan - separated, and not.
Then...
The Helix thrums around her, familiar sound, fractured, and she feels beyond it, the air, she's floating on it, the clouds beyond, the weight of it staggers her.
It pours into her and she welcomes it, not the chaos of human emotion she's always felt, something more, infinite beyond the confines of the Helix...beyond the confines of her body...she rejoices...
...Then the missile comes, a different terror with it as it passes by.
Back now, Emma again. Terror that pours into her like the missile pours into the Helix, past her, bringing destruction with it, as she had for Jesse and the soldiers... she sees him and thinks he must be screaming, or she is.
Shattered sound that scares her, makes her weep for the infinity in this space, because there she can feel everything, is everything...because Jesse is.
He screams...
Emma starts awake. Thinks for the moment that the darkness is her doing before she slaps against her bedside lamp. Sighs in relief when the small circle of light appears and the only chaos here is her room.
She still feels though.
Aches.
~~~
Useless.
Everything he does, useless because he's still going to lose. He's saved his father a thousand times over in his head, but when it really counts, he's going to lose. The PVG. Morrison.
Shal.
Emma.
Jesse.
Then, Jesse breathes deeply. His chest heaves with the effort, looks around wildly, and then, Brennan sees it happen. Sees Jesse take a breath...sees him until he's just not there.
And neither is Brennan. Hands around the controls, are in the controls, energy there that courses through him, no, though the Helix. In him. In the Helix, he is the Helix, feels himself shatter like he knows the Helix is, a thousand times over because Jesse wills it.
Until the missile comes, he can hear it, hear it streaking through him, the Helix but it doesn't matter anymore. Jesse, he can't see Jesse anymore, just the grey of the Helix where Jesse is supposed to be anchored, and he knows fear now. Because he did that.
The missile comes and Jesse disappears even further, heat that sears him, and he manages to dive away ...and he's sure he's falling...back into himself except ...Jesse. Jesse is still disappearing...
Brennan jerks awake. Darkness cold against his skin, his heart thudding against his ribs.
"You left him behind. He was worried about you."
Emma, words spoken sotto voice before he and Adam take off for the Pentagon. But she's looking at Shal who's helping Jesse into Sanctuary and he remembers wanting to shake her off, but Emma, she held him fast.
"You left *him* behind."
*Him*. Jesse.
"Get your head out of your ass before you blow it for good."
She stalked away, anger pouring from her in waves. He didn't think then.
He does now.
~~~
The monitor beeps soothingly.
Finally. Adam checks the readings for the umpteenth time. Sits back and dares to hope the worst is over.
Jesse is asleep, deep unconsciousness aided by painkillers. Adam isn't taking any chances. Not after this.
"Adam, how is he?"
Shalimar.
She pads into the lab as Adam swivels around in his chair to face the lone infirmary bed with Jesse asleep on it.
"He'll be okay," he says quietly, knows it was her that sat with Jesse while he and Brennan were at the Pentagon. Knows that Jesse chose to bear, to feel rather than the painkillers until he got back.
"My whole body aches," she whispers. "Like someone's pounding on the back of my skull and every part of me can feel it."
She circles the bed. Jesse murmurs in his sleep.
"Me too." Emma now, she joins Shal in this dance around the bed Jesse lies in.
"Do you want something for it?" Adam asks.
"Do you have something mild?" Shalimar asks. He does, prepares it quickly and injects into Shal and then Emma.
"Is he going to be okay?" Emma asks. She runs her hand over his forehead, brushes the hair away.
"Yes, he is."
"Has he taken anything?" Shal asks. "I tried, but he wouldn't listen..."
Emma looks at them surprised.
Adam nods at Shal, then tries to answer Emma.
"What you're feeling now, Jesse does all the time. It's always there...he's a molecular," he adds stupidly, but that's really all there is to it.
She gets it.
"Always?" she whispers, her eyes pained. Her hand hovers above his forehead again, and Adam crosses to her quickly.
"Yes. But he's learnt to live with the pain. It's a part of him. And this," he squeezes her wrist, doesn't help. It's just another way to take control from him."
"It's an easy out," Shal whispers. "Like the painkillers, unless he's watched closely. And Jesse, watches himself closely."
Emma's hand falls away.
"You've already given him something though, right?"
It occurs to Adam that Jesse's broadcasting. He tries to nod reassuringly.
"Enough to get him to sleep," he says.
"I...took a memory from him," she blurts out.
"What?" Adam says, then again, gently. "What?"
"I ...there were soldiers closing in on the Helix. I sent out...I made them afraid," she whispers and Adam makes a mental note to increase the intensity of her check-ups.
"I made Jesse afraid," she says, eyes dark with anguish.
"I...he looked at me...Adam, I didn't want him to look at me like *that*...so I took the memory from him."
"It's okay," Adam says, placating. "It's fine. There's nothing wrong with him neurologically. But I will run more intensive tests on you both tomorrow."
She nods jerkily.
"Right now though he needs to rest."
On the bed, Jesse's features are slack in sleep.
"We should have gotten the PVG and left," Shalimar mutters almost to herself. He knows it too, like he knows that Brennan had his reasons, neither wrong, neither completely right either.
"You did the right thing, Shal," Adam says, but she won't look at him.
"You mean it's my fault."
Brennan. He looms in the doorway, dark circles under his eyes. Words flat his eyes stray to Jesse on the bed.
"No one's saying that, Brennan," Adam says quickly. But Shal's words are louder, harsher even though he's sure her voice is no louder than a whisper.
"We should have gotten out of there, Brennan. Got the PVG, and then got out."
Brennan crosses to the bed, stays just in the darkness beyond the circle of light. His arms are crossed in front of his chest. Classic defensive Brennan, one a.m is hardly the time for this. Adam sighs to himself. Like it's ever stopped them before.
"I couldn't" Brennan replies, his jaw set, " I needed to get Morrison out."
"I know," Shal says, her eyes straying to him. "But we should have gone together. Fixed the Helix and then we could have got Morrison out..."
"...and beat the fighters out of there," Brennan finishes for her.
"Yeah," Shal says, a little defiantly.
"We get why you had to do it, Brennan. Maybe you should remember that you're not alone..." Emma says this, and something passes between them Adam can't place his finger on. But Brennan he can see, knows what Emma means.
"Does this happen whenever he phases?" Brennan asks.
"Yes, all of you experienced something similiar when your powers developed further," Adam replies. He knows they have, he's charted everything since the day it started.
"This...has always been a part of his mutation as a molecular. Usually Jesse just sleeps it off, but the growth in his mutation puts a greater strain on his body. I kept him here to monitor his vitals."
"What did you give him?"
"A mild painkiller. He prefers to stay away from any drug, but I need him to rest."
Jesse stirs, and they all still, wait. But he settles back into sleep.
"I want you all to get to bed." Adam announces. He gets another syringe, more painkillers.
"Brennan, this should help you sleep at least." Brennan doesn't resist. He just stares at Jesse.
"I think I might stay a while, Adam," Brennan says, eyes unreadable.
Adam just nods.
"Goodnight Bren," Emma says softly. Shal's goodnight is a peck on the cheek before she follows Emma out.
"Goodnight Brennan," Adam says finally. And Brennan looks up, face screwed up like he's about to ask something he's afraid of. Like someone lost.
"He'll be okay, right Adam?"
Adam nods. He leaves Brennan standing watch over Jesse.
~fin~